Published October 21, 2009
There was a peacefulness that seemed almost perfect. It was a place that you'll most likely not want to leave. Then all of a sudden you realise its fading away. Slowly but surely. Then there's a new awareness-an awakening to be precise. You know its there but you ignore it, pretend it doesn't exist; then all of a sudden you here a noise' that gives you a rfude shock. One not totally unexpected but definitely out of the blues.There's no more denying it, the dark warm peacefulness is gone; opening up to a new feeling. A sort of calm, the knowledge of a new beginning is all around you activities occur nothing serious really, nothing synchronized but activities though. Of course in place of the darkness there's a brightness- bold but not yet fierce. Slowly but surely you too join in the activities surrounding you.
These are my simple thoughts those I feel when I just wake up.What do you feel?
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140,579 Literary Works • 673,526 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is a simple little delight of a work here. It manages to somehow be both incredibly simple in its rather short and sweet form and also somehow it contains a bit of genuine depth. I don't know if perhaps you intended it that way but there's a rather interesting message to be had within this the more times you read this with a bit of care.
Getting into a little more of a specific note I especially love the way you showcase sort of that sleepy satisfaction that one tends to have right in the morning where everything just feels incredibly comfortable and getting up seems like an impossible task and the way you depict how all it takes is one little jarring incident to wake your brain up and suddenly it all seems lost forever.
I think its a lovely little imagining of things, especially how you see that even despite the momentary sort of sadness there the person ultimately choses to join in with the new day that's starting and it all ends off quite nicely there. So overall a beautiful little piece here. Just a nice relaxing thing to read.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you all so much for commenting on my work. Will totally work on everything you said.
Actually never had my work looked at before... It's nice to know its actually worth reading.
Hi!
This is very interesting. I loved the way you described everything. At first it was a little unclear, but then I realised what it was about.
A few nitpicks:
Comma after slowly.
its should be it's (as in it is).
here I suppose you mean hear?
rfude rude
I loved this part. However, the second sentence is a bit hard to follow. I put my suggestions in red.
A very nice ending!
So, overall, I really love this. It portrays the feelings very well.
Just to clear it up: you did spell realise right. It's the british way of writing it.
Me, I feel very confused. And pretty much what you wrote!
Well, hope I helped!
Keep writing!
realize can be spelled realise. isn't that how they do it in the uk?
Very nice. I enjoy how after reading it, and realize your writing about waking up
in the morning and it all makes sense. It's very creative.
I noticed a few things.
Realize is misspelled.
I think you mean blue? and space between There's and the punctuation.
Do you mean for a comma to be in between thoughts and those?
Other then that, make sure to space between your sentences correctly. Nothing serious. Mostly just stuff spell check might not have picked up on, that can be easily overlooked.
Good luck!
Ah! As I was reading this, I was thinking to myself "This person definitely got attacked by the plot bunnies when going to sleep or waking up." And then you said that at the end and... yeah.
Anyway, I thought this was nice. Pretty. But it really doesn't make much sense. Although I'm sure it makes sense to you, it doesn't to the reader. I am guilty of this alll the time, trust me. My advice would be to go over it with fresh eyes, pretend you've never seen it before and see if it still makes perfect sense.
I found a lot of misspellings and misplaced punctuation marks, maybe just typos but I'd go in and clean those up.
And, put a semi colon where that hyphen is "awareness-an"
Your imagery is good, but put a little more cut and dry sentences in it, if the whole piece is nothing but pretty words, there really isn't a lot of substance in the story.
I know this is really long, probably longer than the story, sorry.
It's good though, I liked it. Keep writing.
-Jade
Hi! Welcome to the site!
)
I'm Irish and I'm gonna review this today
So this was interesting! It was clever to use your skills to describe the most confusing in the morning (waking up
Saw 2 things:
That confused me, and this could just be me but is it a word because it looks like one. *brain-fart*
I think you mean "rude"?
Those are all the things I saw, and both of them are really easy to fix!
But again, really thought provoking! And again welcome! Hope to see you around! Feel free to PM me with any questions
Keep up the good work!
-Irish